Wednesday, January 12, 2011

always you

I can't tell the difference from my idealistic thoughts and those that hold truth.

Something that has been constant for so long yet has been out of grasp.

Is it the constant I hope for? Is it the ideal I dream for.

For I have dreamt of you

the words "it was always you" literally float in my mind.

the scene where I lay over you

I watch my lips whisper "it was always you" in your ear.

I want to be one that visualizes instead of idealizes.

I want to see you, I want to feel you tugging at my sides, I want to hear your voice, saying it back to me, over and over again.

"it was always you"

Thursday, December 30, 2010


feel it

feel it rushing
under my skin
it runs through my veins
not blood
no blood is in me
there is more to me than mere blood
a noise I know, although it can not be heard,
I understand it.

I feel as though my skin has changed,
in texture
it stiffens, what is underneath is solid.
I can not hold tears, for I am not made of liquid
I have solidified
a sense of serenity can be seen across my stiff face
I no longer move


Sunday, November 21, 2010

where else could you be?

All you see is unhappiness,
You're searching for another place to be,
getting away from wherever you feel discomfort or an unusual presence of self pity.
I want to be noticed in my normality.

I look to you and I see an escape from what I think to be the end.
Being back in your arms, or on that cold damp floor.

Pooled around me will be the polluted blood that once pumped through my veins
come closer and you can see the undeserving smirk on my face.

pure satisfaction.

This is all a dream, a morning thought that quickly diminishes with the smell of breakfast.
This unusual feeling that ignorance surrounds me, no one sees through me, when its all that runs through my mind, how can no one notice.

I dont want to be another dead at 20 something, someone or another.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


Keep me from mistakes still made.
I never meant to forget you,
Only trying to avoid the knife from dragging along my spine.
Yet I still end up spineless.
Replacing the pain with love for the sake of it.

I silence the thoughts of you in another lovers grasp.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

No punctuation.

Alone my chest grows heavy as I heave my self from my morbid sleep. Lifting my body, not my spirits, up into the world. I start to walk to the other room, where my reflection awaits me with that daunting stare. A stare not of admiration, or of pity. But a stare found somewhere between the two. I raise a hand, slowly, always carefully, I do not wish to frighten the stare away. I raise it close enough to touch the fair skin of one cheek, only close enough. Never touching, I dare not touch her. I search through her gaze, as she searches through mine, both of us not exactly sure what we hope to find. I am afraid to find something in her that I am not able to reveal to myself. The truth I know but can not say aloud. The green eyes I stare into, are looking into hazel. I have changed, the colors have changed. Where will I be when I live next to water, on the coast of a new horizon, where the moments may not seem the same. Where the moments I once got lost in, may no longer exist. Will I be happy. Will I suddenly seem so alright. Will I not miss them. I do not punctuate these with question marks, because I am not sure they can be classified as questions. I do not wish to ask them, I do not wish to know these answers.

A rush of water drowns my thoughts and my face is now wet, I have caused her to disappear.

Alone, my chest feels heavy once again, if not heavier.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

another side

I've viewed another side of me, the side in which I can stare at. A new personality, I think I prefer the old one, the non slut. You have always been a tease, a terrible one, lets push em till the point of no return. Admirers for life, or decades at least. Keep them guessing, keep them wanting, keep them needing you. They see the sweet side, the side you want them to witness, the other side the truthful side you burry, deep, deep inside of you.

keep it deep.

For this is your cruel entertainment.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

the rain has come

Fog over a lake, reminds me of the fog in my mind, that I've been lucky enough to ignore for some time. On a vacation, I neglected to pack my insanity, happily leaving it behind. Here time has no meaning, a week breezes by, no connection to the outside world, no judgement. The rain has come to rescue me, give me the wet air I need to regain my insanity, which apparently makes me sane? It's all becoming too complicated. Tracking my thoughts... I do not like what I hear, its negative, always negative.